


Monument

by pepparminten



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post TLJ, The Bendemption is strong with this one, ben solo redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 06:24:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17340218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepparminten/pseuds/pepparminten
Summary: A void. A flicker of light, threatening to go out at any second. A few hours ago, that flicker had been a sun, a supernova, burning so bright that the Force had practically convulsed with its power.Now the flicker that was Ben was so frail, so feeble. She reached for him in the Force, tried to feel what it was that made his Force signature appear like someone gasping for air on a planet with no atmosphere. She couldn’t feel a thing.





	Monument

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to write this for more than a year. I'm so happy it finally came together, even though it didn't come out exactly as I planned. But that's OK, I have tons of more ideas. Tons! Will hopefully write more oneshots connected to this... Eh, before episode IX comes out. Hopefully.
> 
> Anyway, if you like it, please leave some comments or kudos. I live for that and it makes me want to write more. Thank you for reading!

Poe paced the command bridge, his heartbeat picking up pace every passing second. The silence on the bridge was palpable, everyone surely thinking the same thing that spun in his mind, around and around:  _this could be it_. This could be the day they turned the tide. All over the Galaxy, Resistance troops stood on stand-by, ready to strike the First Order where it hurt the most. Armories. Shipyards. Weapon manufacturers. The First Order could be taking its last breath this very minute. Well, either that, or they were fucked beyond measure.  

Poe glanced over at the General, as pale and immobile as a statue in her chair. He could only imagine what she was feeling in this moment, his own fear and excitement and determination amplified by a thousand. She had been the last to trust their unlikely ally, and since they had struck up the plans that were soon to be set in action, she had become increasingly brooding, silently disappearing of to her quarters more and more often. His heart tugged. She was like a mother to him, and he could easily admit that as afraid he was for the possible annihilation of the Rebellion, should this plan go to hell, he was for the breaking of her spirit. He couldn’t see how even she, Leia Organa, could survive being betrayed like that. Not after Han. Not after Luke. Not after Kylo  Ren. Not after everything she’d been through. 

He was snatched out of his musings as the starcruiser’s alert system blared into the silence;  _incoming ship._ His heart suddenly beat in lightspeed and he lunched for the control board as an Xi-class shuttle, typical of the First Order, emerged from hyperspace right in front of their viewport. He checked the computer; the shuttle had arrived at precisely the hour and coordinates they had agreed on; an hour and coordinates he knew by heart.  

“Scan it for explosives, weapons, whatever trap there could be!” he yelled at the room at large, his order immediately obeyed, excitement now replacing the ominous feeling that had permeated the room just a few seconds ago.  

“It’s completely unarmed, sir!” a lieutenant to his left reported and Poe drew breath, not having realized he held it. 

“An incoming message from the shuttle!” came Connix’s excited yell as she punched commands into her computer, and Poe hurled himself over, grabbing the back of her chair as he leant down to read the message, green on the black screen. 

 _DELIVERY FOR COMMANDER POE DAMERON OF THE RESISTANCE FLEET. AS AGREED._  

“There’s a camera feed requesting permission to broadcast, shall I-?” 

“Put it through!” Poe couldn’t help but yell, adrenaline getting the better of him. Connix pushed a button and a video filled the screen.  

The interior of the shuttle was dark. Poe could make out the contours of several people, crouched on the floor. Their feet were tied together, their hands seemingly bound behind their backs. Some of them seemed to have accepted their fate and sat still, others were still struggling against the restrains. Poe’s eyes darted over them, every First Order insignia on their uniforms a victory in itself. Then he found what he was searching for.  

A slender man in a pristine uniform had tipped over on his side. He struggled hardest of the prisoners, obviously furious. His always so orderly red hair stood in every direction. His livid grey eyes met Poe’s through the camera link. 

The first smile in weeks spread over Poe’s face and he could have punched a hole in the air if he wasn’t already running towards the hangar, BB8 hurtling down the corridor in front of him, squealing with excitement. His heart lifted to the skies as he pressed a button on his comlink. 

“REY! He made it! Initiating Operation Amilyn! May the Force be with us!” 

 

* * *

 

A void. A flicker of light, threatening to go out at any second. A few hours ago, that flicker had been a sun, a supernova, burning so bright that the Force had practically convulsed with its power. Deep in meditation, Rey had let it roll over her in huge waves of energy, both awed and scared by the sheer power. Every Force user in the Galaxy must have felt it.   

Now, she was too worried to meditate. The flicker that was Ben was so frail, so feeble. She reached for him in the Force, tried to feel what it was that made his Force signature appear like someone gasping for air on a planet with no atmosphere. She couldn’t feel a thing. He had closed her off all those hours ago, when it was time, when he had initiated the coup that would bring the First Order down. They had agreed on it, it was rational. There could be no distractions. The downside was that she had no idea what was going on. Even communications between the Resistance fractions were down until Poe gave his signal. It was only a few minutes now. 

Rey sat in silence in her shuttle, having been forced to leave the Falcon behind. It was way too conspicuous, being the most recognizable ship in the Galaxy, and this whole operation depended on stealth and secrecy. In the unlikely event that someone, First Order or not, should pass the Millennium Falcon hanging purposelessly in space in the middle of nowhere, it would have been a dead giveaway that something was up. An unmarked, insignificant space shuttle however, well, that could be passed off as basically space debris. A bit odd perhaps, but nothing suspicious. And with no co-pilot or crew, she could be just anyone. No one. Just like she’d been, before everything. She knew how to play that part.  

Her comlink buzzed and Rey’s heart almost leapt out of her chest as Poe’s voice came through, almost breaking from elation. 

“REY! He made it! Initiating Operation Amilyn! May the Force be with us!” 

Rey’s blood rushed in her ears, her feelings all over the place as she leapt into the pilot’s seat, just a second before a TIE Silencer emerged from hyperspace right in front of her. Her hands shook violently as she initiated the docking system. It was just seconds now, seconds before he would enter her ship and join her in the flesh, after all this time. She tried to catch a glimpse of him through the Silencer’s viewport before it disappeared from sight, but she could not see him. Her heart beat and beat and beat, closer now to her throat than her ribcage.  

Her shuttle wheezed and blared as it docked with the nimble, black ship. She glued herself to the pilot’s seat, head bent as far back as possible, her hand on the hyperdrive. She couldn’t see the airlock from the cockpit but she couldn’t tear her eyes from the corridor that lead there anyway. They were so close now. 

The airlock shut with a bang that could be heard through the entire ship. She spun around in her chair as a red light turned green on her dashboard, indicating that her shuttle had disengaged from the Silencer. She wrenched the hyperdrive, set since hours ago to the right coordinates, punched the auto-pilot as stars stretched from little flecks of light to streaks of white and ran for the airlock. 

Ben’s aura was still flickering with that weak, almost gone out energy and Rey feared for what she would meet. She had made sure to stock the shuttle’s rudimentary medbay for any emergency she could think of, but they would be off-planet almost a week from now on. If he was so gravely injured that he needed more advanced therapy than she could provide on the little shuttle, they were in trouble. Rey tried to push the unwelcome, more or less gruesome scenarios out of her mind as she ran down the narrow corridor. Soon she would know. 

Rey rounded a corner and skidded to a halt. There he was. Half obscured by the vapor from the just closed airlock, she could only make out his outline, tall and broad. The vapor slowly shifted and his face came into view. Rey gasped. Ben was white as a sheet, the darkness in the airlock and the faint red light from a control panel emphasizing the dark circles under his half-closed eyes. His dark hair was longer than when they’d last met in the flesh, all those years ago at the Supremacy. She hadn’t noticed how it had grown when they had encountered through the Force. 

Rey couldn’t make out any of Ben’s emotions or thoughts. He still held their connection shut. She searched his face instead, but he didn’t meet her eyes. In face he didn’t seem to see at all, his half-closed eyes drifting in and out of focus. They stood just an arms-length apart, but she couldn’t bring herself to move forward, to do any of those hundreds of things she’d thought of doing when she first saw him. She had wanted to throw her arms around him and crush him to her, cradle his head to her shoulder and stroke his hair. She had wanted to tell him how proud of him she was, how well he’d done, how happy she was that he was here. She’d even, maybe, possibly, if it felt right, planned to kiss him on the cheek. Just to underline how happy she was, how wanted he was here. Just to convey all those feelings she couldn’t put into words. She did none of those things. She just stood there, lost for words and with her heart in her throat. 

Ben swayed, and before Rey could think of anything to say or do his eyes rolled back to expose bloodshot whites and his knees buckled. Rey yelped and managed to catch him in her arms before he collapsed at her feet, and found her grip on the Force just before they both crashed to the ground. Her heart pounded again and every horrible scenario she had imagined during her hours of waiting flashed through her mind as she gently lowered Ben onto the floor. Against the black durasteel, he looked like a corpse. 

“Ben?” She shook his shoulders and his head lolled helplessly from one side to another. She felt panic growing in her belly as she saw blood on her hands. She closed her eyes and hurriedly reached out with the Force, searching his form for wounds and injuries. She identified a wound on his left shoulder blade, a gash probably left by some kind of vibroblade and most likely where she’d gotten blood on her hands. She could feel strained muscles, bruises and minor tissue damage, but nothing very serious or fatal. Something felt... off, though. Rey couldn’t help but think that he felt somewhat like a burnt-out wire. His heart beat, but it was faint and the beats too far apart for her liking. She remembered his words from long, long ago;  _the effort would kill you_. Projecting himself halfway across the Galaxy had killed Luke. Maybe Ben had pushed himself too far, summoning all that power? Rey opened her eyes again, withdrawing from the Force.   

“Ben?” she tried again, shaking him lightly, willing him to open his eyes and  _say something, damn it!_ He didn’t. 

“Fuck,” she hissed and was just about to turn around and shout for the med droid she had brought on when she saw Ben stir. His eyelashes fluttered and his lips moved ever so slightly, as if he was trying to say something.  

“What?” Rey breathed, excited and panic-stricken and Force knew what else. She leant in closer to Ben, hoping to catch a whisper, anything. “Ben? Can you hear me?” 

And suddenly, the dams broke. Rey’s mind was flooded with Ben’s feelings as he reopened their bond and he was  _tired,_ so excruciatingly weary that it was a struggle to keep his heart beating and his lungs breathing. Rey’s eyes filled with tears and her heart tugged as she realized that he had dragged himself onto the Silencer only because he had given her his word. As soon as he had finished his mission, as soon as he had sent the shuttle containing the First Orders entire command to the Resistance, he’d considered it all over. She could feel how tempted he had been then, to just sit there at the empty command bridge and let the fire go out, wait for the stormtroopers to find him and do whatever they wanted with him, he didn’t care. Every fiber in his body had screamed with overexertion and he had felt how faint his grip on life was. It had almost cost his life using that much power, frankly he was surprised that he’d lived, and now it took all of his last strength to cling on to it.  

Rey could feel the tears stinging in her eyes as she reached for him in the Force, tried to push every ounce of thankfulness and gratitude she had in his direction. She took his nearest hand in hers and pressed his knuckles to her lips, then her forehead. She closed her eyes hard and reached for him in the Force.  _Please,_ she thought,  _just stay with me a little longer. You have done so well. Please please please, Ben, hang on. I’ll help you._  She could feel his consciousness in the Force, feel his emotions stir, the fatigue still there but also a twinge of relief and longing. She could feel him pushing something at her and realized that it was  _agreement_. At that, Rey was so relieved she laughed, albeit a feeble and shaky laugh.  

“Okay,” she sighed. “Okay. Um...” She pondered on how to move on. Ben still needed to get to the medbay, but he was twice the size of her, half unconscious and wouldn’t be able to carry his own weight for a good few days. The med droid she’d brought was frail little thing and would probably break if she sat on it, so that was no help. And she didn’t want to just... Force lift him all the way to the medbay. That felt weird and impersonal. A compromise, then. She tugged lightly at the Force, just so she could slide Ben’s arm around her shoulders and hoist him up to a sitting position. She concentrated hard as she slowly rose to her feet, clutching Ben to her and balancing them with help from the Force. She still wanted to carry as much of his weight as she could herself. It didn’t make any sense really, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to care. Ben’s hair tickled her face and his body felt warm against her as she half dragged, half Force-lifted him toward the medbay.  

Rey almost lost her balance when she tried to use her foot to open the door to the little medbay. The little droid she had brought squealed into action when it registered a patient and berated her in binary for not handling  _injured human male_ with enough care. 

“His name is Ben,” she informed the droid, still struggling to balance his lifeless form, “- and um, where shall I...?” The droid ushered her over to a cot and she carefully lowered him down, letting the Force aid her where her own strength failed. The droid unabashedly shoved her out of its way as soon as Ben was lying steadily on his side and beeped indignantly at her for not bringing him to it sooner. 

“Well I couldn’t, could I? He just came here.” She sat down on the floor as close to the cot as she dared, suspecting that the med droid would probably hit her over the head if she came between it and its patient. The droid swiftly set to work and Rey leant back against the wall. She watched as the droid cut away Ben’s clothes, scanned and probed, connected him to various monitors and machines whose purpose she only had the faintest idea about. Rey was still not used to medical care, having received none at all for the first twenty or so years of her life. Since she’d joined the Resistance, she had been subjected to various treatments, mostly for minor injuries she’d gotten in battle, but she was still weary of needles and those monitors that she only vaguely understood the purpose of. She found it excruciatingly disturbing to have something injected into her veins. She did not like being stitched, even if she got anesthesia. Watching the med droid inserting an IV into the crook of Ben’s arm was enough to make her feel nauseous. She hurriedly jumped to her feet. 

“I’ll be right back,” she said, more to Ben than the droid, though she was still unsure if he heard her. She made sure to check through the Force, and she felt the faintest brush of Ben’s consciousness against hers, and took it as a sign that he’d heard her and understood what she said. She hurried out of the medbay. 

In the cockpit, she snatched her comlink and her holopad to her. She hastily checked the ship’s computer to make sure everything was in order (it was), then padded off to the bunk she’d planned on sleeping in. She ripped out the sheets, bringing the blanket, pillow and thin mattress with her. Arms now full of stuff, she made her way back to the medbay. 

Thankfully the droid seemed finished with the needles and shots and was now working on Ben’s back. Rey dumped her armful of items in the corner she’d sat in before and decided that since she probably would have to wait quite some time for Ben to regain full consciousness, she could distract herself from the droid’s work (thankfully, she would not be able to see it doing stitches from the floor) and keep track of the progress of operation Amilyn on her holopad while she waited. She slumped down on the mattress, sweeping the blanket around her shoulders and glanced up at Ben. 

She liked to look at him when he was sleeping. It had happened a few times that the Force connected them when one of them slept, which wasn’t very surprising as they were never on the same time cycle. The first time it happened, Rey had been so startled that she had stayed glued to her spot, frozen still until the vision faded and she was alone again. Her heart had beat in lightspeed and the seconds seemed to drag by, time seemingly moving slower than ever. She often forgot that he was just flesh and bone just like her, that he was a human in need of nutrition and rest. He had been sleeping on his side, blankets pulled all the way up to his chin. His hair had fanned over the pillow. With his scar obscured by the pillow and features relaxed and soft, he had looked... disturbingly normal. Younger than usual. Rey had realized she had no idea how old he was. She had also realized that he probably would be able to watch her sleep, and had been so horrified by the thought that she’d kept herself awake for four days after that. She had only fallen asleep when Finn snuck some sleeping pills into her caf at the fourth night.  

Since then, whenever the Force connected them when she was awake and he wasn’t, she was careful not to wake him. She took the opportunity to sit still for a moment and passed the time by studying his sleeping form. When he looked so peaceful and normal, she wondered about all those things he never let her think about when he was awake and their connections were fraught with conflict. Like what his favorite food was. If he preferred to be off-world or planetfall. What planet he considered home. Those sort of mundane yet intriguing things she had thought she would never get a chance to ask him.   

But here he was now. She would get to ask him all of those things. Some of them she already knew, having asked him when their conversations turned more and more civil. It felt completely unreal to her that from now on, she could talk to him whenever she wanted. They could talk about whatever they wanted to. He would be a part of her normal life, that life she led in between being  _the last Jedi_ and bringing down despotic intergalactic orders.  

Or, well. Rey frowned. There would be a trial, of course. She knew that, Ben knew that. It had been one of the conditions the Resistance had when they agreed to accept the Supreme Leader of the First Order as an informant and ally, all in utmost secrecy. And in all honesty, Rey knew that a trial was fair. Even if he had eventually turned, left the First Order and been instrumental in the planning of their downfall, he had been Kylo Ren for a long time. Even if he had acted on orders from Snoke, he had committed atrocities. Poe had witnessed him order the murder of a whole Jakku village. Rey had not forgotten that.  

Neither had Ben. He had allowed her to look into his mind on occasions when he found no words, and what she had seen there had shook her to the core. It astounded her that he was still  _there_ , alive and with Light still in his heart. She couldn’t fathom how one could live with such pain, such raw awareness of every life he had taken, every wound he had caused. He had kept the memories alive in his mind, a constant reminder of what he was so that he could never, ever be tempted to return to where he came from.  _Burn every bridge, and you have only one way to go._  

There would be a trial. The Resistance did not deliver death sentences, so he’d live, but there were no guarantees that he would not end up incarcerated for the rest of his life. Rey knew that he would accept his sentence and not try to escape. That was a definite downside to his self-loathing, that he felt that he deserved to be punished (in fact, she struggled to come up with any potential upside to his self-loathing). And  _yes,_ in fairness Rey knew that there would be  _some_ punishment and that it was fair. But having witnessed through his mind the things he had been through, how he had been subjected to Snoke’s psychological terror since he was a small child, the sensation of having his whole world crushed and his worst nightmares affirmed that night when he woke to find his uncle, his mentor standing over him with a lit blade... and the years, decades of subjugation under Snoke, the constant humiliations, beratements, the horrific deeds he’d been forced to do as  _initiation_ when he was still so young... the punishments when he did not live up to his Master’s expectations... and when he was completely broken, his Master’s words like a balm;  _under my tutelage you will become the greatest Force user in the Galaxy. Worlds shall quiver before you. My worthy apprentice... son of Vader... together we shall rule this Galaxy._  

Rey rubbed her tired eyes and sighed. She had her work cut out for her, that was for sure.  _She_ knew what Ben had been through because she could literally see his thoughts and his memories. Unfortunately, the jury delivering his sentence would probably not be able to. And even if some of the jurors were, how could the others know it to be true, when they did not know the Force? The whole thing was fraught with complication. There was a massive amount of witnesses to his most horrific deeds, and so few that could corroborate his story. Leia would of course be called as a witness to his defense, and could give the bloodcurdling testimony of Ben complaining about voices whispering to him since he was barely more than a toddler. R2D2 and C3PO would be able to give detailed testimony of his life before he became Kylo Ren. And she... 

Rey closed her eyes and let her head fall back to rest against the wall behind her. Thinking about Ben’s inevitable trial made her head spin and her belly clench from anxiety.  _Later,_ she told herself,  _later._ They would figure out a way to solve this, somehow. But not now. They still had miles to go before a trial was even conceivable. Hell, nothing was even certain. Operation Amilyn may as well fail spectacularly, and then they’d be on the run again. Then... 

Rey clenched her teeth and forced herself to breathe deeply.  _Here, now. Breathe._ She opened her eyes and found that the med droid was scuttling over to her. 

“What?” she asked, anxiety stirring in her belly again, “- how is he? Will he be fine?” The droid began reporting in binary. 

“ _Severe exhaustion. Male human-”_  

“Ben,” she corrected it. It beeped, annoyed.  

 _“- Male human_ Ben  _will require long rehabilitation. Some possibility of permanent damage to organism_ _is_ _present, but probability is low. It is most likely_ _male human_ Ben  _will make full recovery in time, provided male human_ Ben _gets sufficient rehabilitation and is not subjected to further endeavors.”_ Rey sighed with relief. She even managed to smile at the droid, which evidently was well received as it gave off a beep that sounded almost content. It wheeled of to the foot of Ben’s cot and set itself to monitor mode. 

Now that the coast was clear, Rey crawled over to the bedside. Ben was breathing deep and even. She reached out with the Force and found his presence there, still and humming. She caught a glimpse of blurred, fast-moving images; he was dreaming. She smiled as she withdrew. He looked so peaceful when asleep, and before she could stop herself, she reached out to push away a strand of his hair that had fallen over his face. She marveled at how soft it was.  

Rey nudged closer and leant against the side of the cot. If she lifter her eyes, she looked straight up at Ben’s soft, sleeping features. She couldn’t help but feel the slightest hint of guilt over bringing him here, to inevitably face justice for his crimes. She screwed up her face as the thought hit her, that because of her, he may never be truly free. Had she helped him free himself from Snoke and the First Order, only to be held in chains by the Resistance for the rest of his life? He may never be free.  

Rey took a shuddering breath as she forced herself to let go of the thought.  _Here, now. We’re not there yet. Focus, Rey._  She glanced up at him.  

She had her work cut out for her. It wouldn’t be easy. There was a long way to go before she could rest in the promise that Ben would be safe and free, but she started this, and she would see it to its end. She would never fail him. She would never stop fighting.  

As she swept the blanket closer around her and rested her head against the side of the cot, she could feel Ben’s breath in her hair. No, not wholly free and out of harm's way yet, but he was a little closer now than yesterday. A little freer. A little closer to home, here with her.  

**Author's Note:**

> THE BENDEMPTION IS REAL, FOLKS!


End file.
